fight or flight | courtney cooper rosen | out of focus studios | athens, ga

i’ve been thinking about this blog post for days on end now. the one where i would attempt to explain what is in my heart at such a pivotal moment in my life, but how does one explain the thoughts, fears & desires of something so wicked as the heart? how do i begin to unravel how i am thrilled beyond anything i thought was possible, and scared out of my mind at the same time?

i feel like i’ve been waiting for this moment my entire life, and now that we are standing nose to nose i am dealing with some serious fight or flight syndrome. the deeper i dig the more i discover that my fear doesn’t come from how well i think i can do my job-it comes from if i will succeed or not in the eyes of others. what if i’m not as good as the person down the street? what if people don’t like my style? what if my style isn’t what i originally thought it was? what if people think i’m a failure?
will the best i can offer be enough?
i am am constantly telling my daughters how amazing & beautiful they are, and one day my mother chimed in and said,”you should be careful because you don’t want to make them coincided,” to which my dad interjected, “you keep on building them up baby, because when they get out in the world all it’s going to try to do is tear them down”.

is that my fear? that the world is going to reject my body of work? is going to reject me as an artist? have i hung onto my day job for the past three years so i wouldn’t have to risk real failure? is failure really the worst thing that can happen to me?

a few months ago our pastor preached a message on issiah 6:1 (kjv) titled “also” where he explained that satan will use bad circumstances in our lives to try and shape who we are as a person, but we don’t have to fall victim to his tricks because we are compete in Christ. God wrote our end before our beginning, and He knows everything we are going to deal with He has gone before us to make a way. (colossians 2:9-10)

reflecting on that time in my life i can see now that God was already beginning to prepare my heart before that sunday, but as i sat and soaked in that sermon i realized that greater is He who is in me than He who is in the world and i am fearfully and wonderful made in the image of One who gave it all because He loved & believed in me that much.

that same week i had the word “also” tattooed across the inside of my forearm as an ever present & permanent reminder that everywhere i go i am merely following behind the One who leads me. with that attitude in place, and the assurance of jeremiah 29:11 “for I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” i embark on one of the greatest adventures of my life: opening my own photography & wedding planning studio.

today is a beautiful today of celebration – tomorrow may be a sad day of mourning. however this opportunity, like anything worth fighting for has come at a price, but the One who is my driving force has promised “even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.” isaiah 46:4. i refuse to let fear control my life or hold me back from the blessings God has in store for me.

i promise as i take the first steps towards this new life that i commit to not placing value on what the world counts as gain, but on what honors my Father in heaven & furthering His kingdom using the talents He’s given me.

“the price of success is hard work, dedication to the job at hand, and the determination that whether we win or lose, we have applied the best of ourselves to the task at hand.” -vince lombardi

here’s to applying the best of myself to the task at hand & giving the desire to runway a sucker punch in the mouth.

song for this moment:

this post was made possible by:

my amazing clients who allow me to be apart of their lives & create awesomeness with them.

my wonderful friend nina who pushed me to stick with it when i all i wanted to do was give up & hide in a closet!

out of focus studios’ new manager (a.k.a “courtney wrangler”) traci who took a chance on a up & coming
photographer & came out with a new friend for life! my life would suck without you!!!!

my amazing assistant lindsay – you make my job so much easier, i seriously could not do it without you!

chad & sarah mac – you have made my desires for expansion possible & i’m so excited to move forward with y’all on the team!

my best girlfriends in the whole world lynn & vanessa who act as my sounding boards and confidants for all the trouble i get into.

and last but not least my amazing parents & husband who have never stopped believing in me or offering their support!

what can i say it takes a village to keep me in line!