What do we do with ourselves when there is nothing left to fight for?

When at the end of the day we look around and realize, a little bruised and with a few scars, we have made it. We feel crazy admitting it out loud, “I’m afraid everything is going to work out.” However, what most of us are actually worried about is the question that follows success, “Where do we go from here?”

What’s next when the thing we have fought for, cried over, and obsessed about, for what seems like an eternity, has finally and painfully metamorphosed into our reality? What do we do once the butterflies have subsided, the adrenaline rush is over, the crowd has dispersed, and the hype has worn off? How do we cope when we are the ones still here willing ourselves to take slow, deep breaths to try and hold off the panic we feel rising up in our chest because suddenly we realize, “Shit…I’m responsible for this.”

We and we alone are now responsible for making sure everything goes okay. That everything works out the way it should. That our well-laid plans are seen through. The pressure is on us now. Our friends and family have walked beside us at times, and maybe carried us at others, but now it’s our turn; now we have to walk alone for a while. We are the ones that have to see this through, sink or swim.

Many of us will never make it to this point. We miss our sink or swim moment because we were too scared to leave the beach. These are the ones of us who said, “I’m afraid everything is going to work out,” and then continued to just coddle our dream instead of forcing it to take shape.

However, there is the other part of the “we”, the risk takers, the free thinkers, the crazies. Those who throw caution to the wind and declare boldly, often ignorantly, “I’m making a swim for it, and even if I drown before I make it to the next island I will be able to say I got in the water.” These are the select few who get up with a smirk and ask, “Is that all you’ve got?” when they get knocked down. The ones who don’t know when to quit. Who never know when they’ve had enough or even when they do realize they are at their breaking point, choose to push through instead of giving up because they know that bigger and better comes at a price. Bigger and better is going to cost you. Bigger and better, more times than not, is going to cost you everything.

When faced with these questions we have to remind ourselves, “You can’t win the fight if you never get in the ring.” It’s amazing what the human body can go through, and still make a comeback from: car wrecks, plane crashes, drowning, gunshots, falls, burns, heart attacks, strokes, organ transplants, and yet most of us can’t get up the gumption to say to ourselves, “Today I will fight. Today I will try. Today I will risk, and I will love with everything I’ve got, and tomorrow if it’s all gone, if I lose everything I have fought for, at least I will be able to face myself in the mirror and be proud of who I am because I gave it my all.”

Having never been sky diving, I can only assume that the scariest part of the experience is actually jumping out of the plane. When the time comes to jump you have to convince yourself that letting go of the safest place you have at the moment to free fall into the unknown is a good idea, whether you are totally ready or not.

The next scariest part would be pulling the rip cord because suddenly your mind is distracted from how amazing the free fall has been to, “What if my parachute doesn’t open?” For a split second you are faced with the reality that you might plunge to the ground; however, you don’t continue to just free fall weighing out your options. You pull the rip cord. Then once your parachute is fully open you can guide yourself to a gentle stop.

The most frightening part of anything is taking the first step; spilling your guts to the person you love, applying for your dream job, going off the birth control, or taking out a loan to start your own business. It’s never going to be comfortable or feel natural to lay it all on the line, to chance being rejected, to risk loss and hurt, but once you do there is the rush of the free fall. The moment when you realize you have jumped out of the plane and you can’t take it back now. You have opened yourself up to greatness.

Relief. Excitement. Hope.

Followed by your split-second of doubt. Did I do the right thing by telling them? Will I get the job? Are we really ready for this? Can I really manage having my own business?

Doubt. Anxiety. Fear.

Inevitably, either you or someone else pulls the rip cord. Sometimes our parachute opens, and things work out the way we want. Other times our rip cord is pulled, but our parachute fails to open, leaving us to hit the ground hard. It’s in these times that we have to force ourselves to lean into the pain and heal; because it’s only through healing that we can form a scar.

Most people want to hide their scars because they are ashamed; when they look at them all they see are all of the horrible things they’ve been through: the mistakes, the letdowns, the heartbreaks, the times when they weren’t good enough.

Only we don’t have to let our scars hold us back, moreover we need to allow them to serve as mile-markers of how far we have come, how much we’ve grown. Our scars are there to remind us that this too shall pass, that even though we are broken right now and we can’t see the end, we will come out of this stronger, better.

When we feel like we are down for the count, when we are bloody, and bruised, and tired, when we think we can’t possibly go one more round, our scars are there to remind us to get back up and say, “Is that all you’ve got?”

vendors:

venue – a view 2 remember

photography -courtney of out of focus studios

centerpieces – bride with the help of courtney from out of focus studios

i’m engaged & i want too..
view your portfolio. contact out of focus studios. follow courtney on twitter.

i feel like i’ve been waiting for this moment my entire life, and now that we are standing nose to nose i am dealing with some serious fight or flight syndrome. the deeper i dig the more i discover that my fear doesn’t come from how well i think i can do my job-it comes from if i will succeed or not in the eyes of others. what if i’m not as good as the person down the street? what if people don’t like my style? what if my style isn’t what i originally thought it was? what if people think i’m a failure?
will the best i can offer be enough?
i am am constantly telling my daughters how amazing & beautiful they are, and one day my mother chimed in and said,”you should be careful because you don’t want to make them coincided,” to which my dad interjected, “you keep on building them up baby, because when they get out in the world all it’s going to try to do is tear them down”.

is that my fear? that the world is going to reject my body of work? is going to reject me as an artist? have i hung onto my day job for the past three years so i wouldn’t have to risk real failure? is failure really the worst thing that can happen to me?

a few months ago our pastor preached a message on issiah 6:1 (kjv) titled “also” where he explained that satan will use bad circumstances in our lives to try and shape who we are as a person, but we don’t have to fall victim to his tricks because we are compete in Christ. God wrote our end before our beginning, and He knows everything we are going to deal with He has gone before us to make a way. (colossians 2:9-10)

reflecting on that time in my life i can see now that God was already beginning to prepare my heart before that sunday, but as i sat and soaked in that sermon i realized that greater is He who is in me than He who is in the world and i am fearfully and wonderful made in the image of One who gave it all because He loved & believed in me that much.

that same week i had the word “also” tattooed across the inside of my forearm as an ever present & permanent reminder that everywhere i go i am merely following behind the One who leads me. with that attitude in place, and the assurance of jeremiah 29:11 “for I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” i embark on one of the greatest adventures of my life: opening my own photography & wedding planning studio.

today is a beautiful today of celebration – tomorrow may be a sad day of mourning. however this opportunity, like anything worth fighting for has come at a price, but the One who is my driving force has promised “even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.” isaiah 46:4. i refuse to let fear control my life or hold me back from the blessings God has in store for me.

i promise as i take the first steps towards this new life that i commit to not placing value on what the world counts as gain, but on what honors my Father in heaven & furthering His kingdom using the talents He’s given me.

“the price of success is hard work, dedication to the job at hand, and the determination that whether we win or lose, we have applied the best of ourselves to the task at hand.” -vince lombardi

here’s to applying the best of myself to the task at hand & giving the desire to runway a sucker punch in the mouth.

song for this moment:

this post was made possible by:

my amazing clients who allow me to be apart of their lives & create awesomeness with them.

my wonderful friend nina who pushed me to stick with it when i all i wanted to do was give up & hide in a closet!

out of focus studios’ new manager (a.k.a “courtney wrangler”) traci who took a chance on a up & coming
photographer & came out with a new friend for life! my life would suck without you!!!!

my amazing assistant lindsay – you make my job so much easier, i seriously could not do it without you!

chad & sarah mac – you have made my desires for expansion possible & i’m so excited to move forward with y’all on the team!

my best girlfriends in the whole world lynn & vanessa who act as my sounding boards and confidants for all the trouble i get into.

and last but not least my amazing parents & husband who have never stopped believing in me or offering their support!

what can i say it takes a village to keep me in line!

vendors:

photography:
danielle of ella rue photography

styling & planning:
courtney of out of focus studios

floral design:
nina of bella blooms

catering:
hallie jane’s catering

coordinating:
traci of out of focus studios

reception cards:
courtney of out of focus studios

smores kits:
out of focus studios

cake:
cecilia’s cakes

cake toppers:
the pretty pixie

oversized letters:
the back porch shoppe

brides hair:
amber of rocket salon

vendors:

venue – constance manor

hair & makeup – tambrin craig 678-898-8888

photography -courtney of out of focus studios

styling & planning – courtney of out of focus studios

centerpieces – bride with the help of courtney from out of focus studios

ceremony floral design & bridal party florals- nina of bella blooms

coordinating – traci of out of focus studios

cup cakes – cecilia’s cakes

linen rentals - j & l party rental

i’m engaged & i want too..
view your portfolio. contact out of focus studios. follow courtney on twitter.

after countless hours of research on the internet & several trips to walmart, the dollar tree & home depot we put all of our new found knowledge to work spray painting & assembling emily & ty’s asian/modern inspired centerpieces.

DIY brides please note: you can not do it all! on the morning of emily’s wedding we had 13 people at her venue at 8am to help set up her reception and ceremony. two of those people were myself & traci, out of focus wedding professionals. we were there to help, but also to see that everything was accomplished correctly & in a timely manor. if your event budget doesn’t allow for a large coordinating package we highly recommend you at least book a “week of coordinator” or “day of coordinator” out of focus studios offers both of these options.

vendors:

venue – constance manor

hair & makeup – tambrin craig 678-898-8888

photography -courtney of out of focus studios

styling & planning – courtney of out of focus studios

centerpieces – bride with the help of courtney from out of focus studios

ceremony floral design & bridal party florals- nina of bella blooms

coordinating – traci of out of focus studios

cup cakes – cecilia’s cakes

linen rentals - j & l party rental

i’m engaged & i want too..

view your portfolio. contact out of focus studios. follow courtney on twitter.

catering- five & ten

floral center pieces – bella blooms

event styling & planning – courtney cooper rosen

linen rentals - j & l party rental

i’m planning a party & i want too..
view your portfolio. contact out of focus studios. follow courtney on twitter.

i’m engaged & i want too..
view your portfolio. contact out of focus studios. follow courtney on twitter.

i’m engaged & i want too..
view your portfolio. contact out of focus studios. follow courtney on twitter.