fight or flight | courtney cooper rosen | out of focus studios | athens, ga

i’ve been thinking about this blog post for days on end now. the one where i would attempt to explain what is in my heart at such a pivotal moment in my life, but how does one explain the thoughts, fears & desires of something so wicked as the heart? how do i begin to unravel how i am thrilled beyond anything i thought was possible, and scared out of my mind at the same time?

chad & sarah’s family session | out of focus studios | winder, ga portrait photographer

meet my awesome videographer chad and his super hott ladies…

behind the lens | courtney cooper rosen

“Up to a point a man’s life is shaped by environment, heredity, and the movements and changes in the world around him. Then there comes a time when it lies within his grasp to shape the clay of his life into the sort of thing he wishes to be. Only the weak blame parents, their race, their times, lack of good fortune, or the quirks of fate. Everyone has it within his power to say, ‘This I am today; that I will be tomorrow.’ The wish, however, must be implemented by deeds.”
-Louis L’Amour

i grew up in a hell & brimstone style southern baptist church (i’m still trying to figure out if my salvation happened out of fear or love for Jesus), by the time i turned fourteen i was full of reckless abandon. no one could tell me anything because i already knew it all, and my way was best. it’s a miracle my mother didn’t have me committed so she could escape my bad behavior, and constant back talking. looking back now i was extremely ignorant in the ways of myself, life, and christianity, and mostly i was just hurting myself. i’m pretty sure the landslide of bad decisions started at fourteen when i was introduced to drugs, followed by sex at fifteen, heartbreak at seventeen, binge drinking at eighteen, marriage at nineteen, babies at twenty. (the last two were a little rushed, but the best things i’ve ever done.) my life has been ugly, messy, crude, beautiful, and heartbreaking. i have made more than my own share of bad decisions, but by the grace of God have managed to come out on the other side, for the most, unscathed.

my parents always tried to be open with us growing up. at lunch yesterday my sister commented on how someone her same age seemed much less mature than herself. i replied that many people our age are far less mature than we are due to the way we were raised, to which my father replied, “look, we [my parents] tell y’all when you are full of crap, a lot of parents don’t give their kids that justification.” my mom says where most parents thought “my kids would never do that!,” she was thinking “my kids will do that, and then some!”. i never felt like they weren’t on my side, but contrary to popular belief they didn’t tell us everything we wanted to hear. if we were acting like an idiot they were the first ones to point it out. i believe, to this day, my mother feels like she didn’t live up to her potential raising us because she didn’t steer us in one direction or another, but i feel that by not “steering” us she allowed our own personalities to be birthed. i am eternally grateful for the highs and lows that came with that kind of raising.

i attended a church of God university in tennessee for one year where i discovered everything i loved, and loathed about myself. it was a life changing experience, and the first time i actually got really raw with God. even though i had come to salvation at an early age, and was raised in a christian home i had never really followed through with my christian walk for longer than a few weeks at a time. i knew all the rules, and it’s not that i didn’t care who got hurt by my actions but i could never find it in myself to fully turn my life over to God. i remember being at a campus choir concert, and when they sang “i can only imagine” i just broke down sobbing. i could feel God relentless pursuing me, and i was continually running the other direction. God was doing his part to try and pull me out of my own destructive lifestyle, but i just wouldn’t give up my hold.

after returning home to georgia i fell in love with & married (after only twelve weeks) the man that is truly my best friend, worst enemy, ally in all things good & bad, father to my children, provider to my family, sounding board, critic, life coach & lover. our first year of marriage was spent fighting about my lack of domestic skills, and the fact that i couldn’t get my head out of the toilet from the morning sickness. when i was about six months pregnant with my daughter i suddenly realized i was about to be responsible for another human being. it became clear to me that it was now my God appointed task to raise this child in way of the Lord. He had chosen me out of all the women in the world to have this particular little girl. there i was much calmer than i had been two years before, but still hanging onto that old selfish ignorance that plagued my teenage years, bearing my soul before God and begging for the strength it would take to get through the rest of my life as a mother. my daughter arrived and suddenly everything i thought i knew about life, love, selflessness & family changed. i had a new respect, understanding, and also misunderstanding of not only my mother but all mothers. all my being could not contain the love i felt for this 7lb 2oz screaming baby. i was suddenly complete, and i wasn’t even aware that i had been lacking. in that moment my need for God’s strength finally outweighed my own ignorance, and i relinquished control.

there are many things that i’ve done that i would rather forget, but would never change. every moment and choice (good or bad) i’ve made has lead me to the most prefect moment i’m living in now. all the dirty sins of my past have been covered in the blood of Jesus, and washed away. even now God is using the things He tried to protect me from to impact others lives. i’m amazed every day with where i’m at, and what God was able to bring me out of. if someone had come to me when i was eighteen and said, “by the time you are twenty-five years old you will be the mother of two amazing daughters, owner of a successful photography company, working on your sixth year of marriage, and living your life for Christ”, i would have laughed at them; but now that i’m here, in that place, i am so grateful to God and my family (who may have lost hope for a while) for never giving up on me. when i turned twenty one my mother sent me a birthday card at the bottom was a handwritten note that read, “ courtney, i am so proud of the woman you have become. there was a time when i thought i was going to loose you, but God reminded me that you were His daughter also and He would always take care of you.”

courtney cooper rosen | out of focus studios | athens, ga family photographer

meet tim & kelly. they are the sweetest couple ever! we did their pregnancy pictures a while back but somehow they got lost in my things to blog so here they are finally!

courtney cooper rosen | out of focus studios| athens, ga senior portrait photographer

this is kaci, she’s a senior at winder barrow! my first barrow county senior! kaci has a uber cool sense of style & was a blast to photograph. she kept complaining that she was good at having her picture made (a complete lie) which made me have to act super silly to help her loosen up. of

we did her session in my favorite spot downtown, and then hit up the parking deck for a few more.

courtney cooper rosen | out of focus studios | athens, ga family photographer | the kardos family

meet josh & darien, they have watched me transform from a wild teenager to a wife to a mother, and now they are our girls godparents. since these pictures were taken they have welcome baby girl number two into their family. congrats kardos family! we love ya’ll!!!