though the pressure’s hard to take, it’s the only way i can escape, it seems a heavy choice to make, now i am under.

I believe far too often we are more afraid of success than failure. No matter if it is a relationship, job, the decision to have a baby, or starting a new business; the haunting question that keeps most of us from moving forward is, “What happens when everything has turned out the way we wanted?”

What do we do with ourselves when there is nothing left to fight for?

When at the end of the day we look around and realize, a little bruised and with a few scars, we have made it. We feel crazy admitting it out loud, “I’m afraid everything is going to work out.” However, what most of us are actually worried about is the question that follows success, “Where do we go from here?”

What’s next when the thing we have fought for, cried over, and obsessed about, for what seems like an eternity, has finally and painfully metamorphosed into our reality? What do we do once the butterflies have subsided, the adrenaline rush is over, the crowd has dispersed, and the hype has worn off? How do we cope when we are the ones still here willing ourselves to take slow, deep breaths to try and hold off the panic we feel rising up in our chest because suddenly we realize, “Shit…I’m responsible for this.”

We and we alone are now responsible for making sure everything goes okay. That everything works out the way it should. That our well-laid plans are seen through. The pressure is on us now. Our friends and family have walked beside us at times, and maybe carried us at others, but now it’s our turn; now we have to walk alone for a while. We are the ones that have to see this through, sink or swim.

Many of us will never make it to this point. We miss our sink or swim moment because we were too scared to leave the beach. These are the ones of us who said, “I’m afraid everything is going to work out,” and then continued to just coddle our dream instead of forcing it to take shape.

However, there is the other part of the “we”, the risk takers, the free thinkers, the crazies. Those who throw caution to the wind and declare boldly, often ignorantly, “I’m making a swim for it, and even if I drown before I make it to the next island I will be able to say I got in the water.” These are the select few who get up with a smirk and ask, “Is that all you’ve got?” when they get knocked down. The ones who don’t know when to quit. Who never know when they’ve had enough or even when they do realize they are at their breaking point, choose to push through instead of giving up because they know that bigger and better comes at a price. Bigger and better is going to cost you. Bigger and better, more times than not, is going to cost you everything.

When faced with these questions we have to remind ourselves, “You can’t win the fight if you never get in the ring.” It’s amazing what the human body can go through, and still make a comeback from: car wrecks, plane crashes, drowning, gunshots, falls, burns, heart attacks, strokes, organ transplants, and yet most of us can’t get up the gumption to say to ourselves, “Today I will fight. Today I will try. Today I will risk, and I will love with everything I’ve got, and tomorrow if it’s all gone, if I lose everything I have fought for, at least I will be able to face myself in the mirror and be proud of who I am because I gave it my all.”

Having never been sky diving, I can only assume that the scariest part of the experience is actually jumping out of the plane. When the time comes to jump you have to convince yourself that letting go of the safest place you have at the moment to free fall into the unknown is a good idea, whether you are totally ready or not.

The next scariest part would be pulling the rip cord because suddenly your mind is distracted from how amazing the free fall has been to, “What if my parachute doesn’t open?” For a split second you are faced with the reality that you might plunge to the ground; however, you don’t continue to just free fall weighing out your options. You pull the rip cord. Then once your parachute is fully open you can guide yourself to a gentle stop.

The most frightening part of anything is taking the first step; spilling your guts to the person you love, applying for your dream job, going off the birth control, or taking out a loan to start your own business. It’s never going to be comfortable or feel natural to lay it all on the line, to chance being rejected, to risk loss and hurt, but once you do there is the rush of the free fall. The moment when you realize you have jumped out of the plane and you can’t take it back now. You have opened yourself up to greatness.

Relief. Excitement. Hope.

Followed by your split-second of doubt. Did I do the right thing by telling them? Will I get the job? Are we really ready for this? Can I really manage having my own business?

Doubt. Anxiety. Fear.

Inevitably, either you or someone else pulls the rip cord. Sometimes our parachute opens, and things work out the way we want. Other times our rip cord is pulled, but our parachute fails to open, leaving us to hit the ground hard. It’s in these times that we have to force ourselves to lean into the pain and heal; because it’s only through healing that we can form a scar.

Most people want to hide their scars because they are ashamed; when they look at them all they see are all of the horrible things they’ve been through: the mistakes, the letdowns, the heartbreaks, the times when they weren’t good enough.

Only we don’t have to let our scars hold us back, moreover we need to allow them to serve as mile-markers of how far we have come, how much we’ve grown. Our scars are there to remind us that this too shall pass, that even though we are broken right now and we can’t see the end, we will come out of this stronger, better.

When we feel like we are down for the count, when we are bloody, and bruised, and tired, when we think we can’t possibly go one more round, our scars are there to remind us to get back up and say, “Is that all you’ve got?”

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fight or flight | courtney cooper rosen | out of focus studios | athens, ga

i’ve been thinking about this blog post for days on end now. the one where i would attempt to explain what is in my heart at such a pivotal moment in my life, but how does one explain the thoughts, fears & desires of something so wicked as the heart? how do i begin to unravel how i am thrilled beyond anything i thought was possible, and scared out of my mind at the same time?